My Ramblings

I don't often use this blog and so it has taken me ages to find out how to post on here again! It's been so frustrating!!!!

I mainly use my blogger account or facebook, which I am quite addicted to. Now I'm here I'm not sure what to write? Pathetic hey?

Oh well this is just one of my ramblings. But I shall be back! I think I'm going to create another blog here. Will think about what it will be about.

I'm really interested in hearing from people who are going through an early menopause. I think I'm starting to go through mine and I'm just 37 years old! I know you can have symptoms for years before it becomes full blown. But I've had an erratic period since January, came on 3 times. First on 4th Jan, then the 21st, then 2nd feb. But my periods have been heavy for about a year or so. For the last few months I've had blood clots with my flow. I've been getting dizzy spells and then my body goes all shaky and weak. My legs have felt heavy and I've had spells of feeling really lethargic. I've been waking up with night sweats. Also my right leg has been in a lot of pain as it felt like I had pulled a muscle in the thigh and behind the knee, when I don't remember doing anything strenuous? My breasts are swollen and tender. I'm getting more headaches. God now I'm sounding like a hypochondriac LOL.

I've been told to visit the docs, but I'm gonna wait as I don't want to go there and waste his time, he may look at me like a stupid woman. After all our bodies go through things sometimes, as we're just human. And yet, if it were someone else, I'd tell them to go to the doc, but I can't seem to take my own advice. Hmmmmmm....

Yesterday was my birthday, and I had a lovely day. Hubby had previously bought me an ipod for my birthday which I love, as I love music. My sis had bought me Destiny of Souls by DR Michael Newton, and it is a brilliant book. It's the second book after Journey of Souls by the same author. I highly recommend these books. Both hubby and I went to Beckton yesterday to do some shopping, and we went on the ferry to cross the river. First time I'd done that by crossing the river in our car which was on the ferry, very cool!

Now I'm 37 and getting very close to 40 yikes!

Two weeks ago my father died. I didn't get to say goodbye to him, as we had had a rocky relationship for 20 years. Basically since he married my step mother. The reason for this is our step mother emotionally abused us. She would do things that if the authorities had known, we would have been taken into care and she would have been arrested. The things she used to do was put white spirits in my sisters milk, when my sister was just 10/11 years old. She did this 3 times. She would put bleach on my sisters clothes and even cut her clothes up. To my other sister she had undone all of the stitching in her school uniform, so that when my sister put it on, the whole uniform just fell off of her. She forced my brother to get in a bath full of disinfectant. She also stole from us, and would tell lies about us to our dad. There were many other circumstances that took place, and with each of these things my dad stood by and did nothing. Because of this we lost a lot of respect for him, as he was supposed to protect us but, he didn't.

We didn't want to be put in a children's home as we knew we would have been split up, and also our dad would be in trouble. Although he stood by and let this happen, we still loved him. So we kept our mouths shut, although our neighbours knew what was going on they also did nothing, as they were friends with my dad and step mum.

As the years went by we grew to hate our step mother, and this caused us to be distant with our father. He began to see us as the problem and not our step mother. So we drew back, and decided to not be in his life anymore, because we couldn't take the stress and the hassle which came along with knowing my father and step mother. In his eyes she had done nothing wrong.

Just over a year ago, he approached my sister to let us know he was very ill. Sadly we didn't take it seriously, having already been told by our step mother a few years ago that he had died, and it turned out to be a hoax by her.

But My dad died on the 1st December 2007, our step mother didn't phone us to say he was in his last weeks/days.

Although we didn't get on with our father, we loved him dearly, but no matter how close we tried to get to him, he would push us away. Our step mother was always right there. In the times we would visit him a few years ago, I would have to watch my step mother pouring my son a coke, as I feared she would put bleach or something else that was poison in his drink. My dad would say, 'you can trust her'. But we knew we couldn't, she had done too much damage to us as we were growing up, and when you treat children badly, those children grow up and they never forget.

I will always regret not making up with my dad, and I wish we had met just once and were able to speak honestly, and I would have loved to tell him how much I loved and cared for him. But one thing I do know is, life goes on, well that's what I believe and I know my dad knows the truth now, and he can see all that has gone on and is going on now. He will know how much his son and daughters love him.

I haven't written in here for a long long time! To be honest I just signed in msn just yesterday for the first time in months, and found this page via that. I had totally forgotten about it.

I have been keeping two other blogs though. A book Review blog and a Chit chat one of stuff going on in my life. I'll have to try and remember to keep this one updated too.

I've started to write a book, well three actually, they're fiction. I doubt they'll ever get published, but I'm having fun writing them. I'm not concerned if they don't at this moment. Tons of people write books and never make it onto the market, while the lucky ones do. I don't care right now, may be when they're done I will care! LOL.

I've been practicing tarot lately, I've had my deck for a few years now and have struggled to learn it. I found a site and they'll doing some tarot on there, and so I have been learning with them, and now I do some readings again. I used to do them a lot online a few years ago. I enjoy doing them. I'm having a go at past Life readings, but at the moment they're really basic, and I need lots of practice!

I feel my pagan side coming back out lately, I'm interested in spells again. And I practice reiki & Reflexology.

Hmmm, I think that's enough for now, my minds gone blank.

Welcome to my blog. I'll my chit chat here.

Margo.